Q. My wife tells me I worry too much. How much is “too much”? I worry about work, school and money, but don’t most people?
A. Chronic worry is a common condition and plagues millions of people. Chronic worrying differs from regular day-to-day worrying in two important ways. First, “normal” worry is time limited. For example, if you’re anxious about an upcoming presentation you have to make to the entire unit, your anxiety will disappear once the presentation is complete.
A chronic worrier will worry about the next potential presentation, how he thinks his presentation was received by the attendees, what impact this and future presentations will have on his military career and so on.
Everyday worry generally doesn’t disrupt your daily life. You may be distracted during a meeting or lose some sleep, but that’s generally the extent of things. A chronic worrier will have difficulty doing his job and experience significant conflict at home and in social situations.
There are a few things you can do if your worry seems to be getting out of control.
Distraction is a great way to get your mind off things which will allow you to be more focused at work and more attentive toward you loved ones. The goal is simple-delay your worry long enough so that the urge to worry passes. If it comes back, you just have to delay it again.
Sounds easy, right? Yes and no. In order to be successful you must choose a distraction that you’ll use and one that will work. For some, reading will do the trick. But, not everybody likes to read. Maybe you can play a board game or do a crossword puzzle. Spiritual people find prayer or meditation to be useful. Others have told me that the only way to control their worry is to play with their children.
A great way to knock chronic worry on its heels is to make a decision. Indecision fuels worry. Some people not only worry about the decision they need to make, but they worry about not being able to make a decision. Use your military training: Identify the problem; analyze possible solutions; implement the preferred solution; and adjust fire as needed.
There is nothing more freeing than the ability to practice acceptance. It’s important to understand that there are some things in life that you can’t control. The sooner you can identify those things the better off you will be.
My book “Taking Control of Anxiety: Getting the Best of Worry, Stress, and Fear” has more information about worry and how to get rid of it.
Bret A. Moore, Psy.D., is a board-certified clinical psychologist who served two tours in Iraq. Email him at kevlarforthemind@militarytimes.com. This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to convey specific psychological or medical guidance.
